If you’re anything like me, the following sayings were staples in your childhood:
Stay in a child’s place
Children should be seen and not heard
Through these sayings, I believe the adults in my life were trying to teach me respect, communicate boundaries, and assist me in learning to self-monitor. However, these sayings were often silencing, robbing me of my voice and teaching me submission. In fact, these seemingly harmless sayings made engaging with authority figures difficult. As parents, guardians, and caregivers, we want to ensure our children navigate the world confidently and with a sense of agency. It is important that we convey their value and encourage the use of their voices. Because as we show them that they are worthy of respect, they learn to respect themselves.
Encourage Healthy Emotional Expression
When our children are upset our gut instinct is to try to make it better or end the hurt. We may say things like, “don’t cry” or “calm down.” However, our children are entitled to the full human experience, meaning they are supposed to be able to feel every emotion fully. Next time your child displays sadness or anger, try validating their emotions and encouraging healthy emotional expression. Encourage them to name and acknowledge their emotional experience. This can also be done by modeling healthy emotional expression.
Validate their Voices
Our children are living, breathing, thinking beings. Providing opportunities to hear their thoughts and ideas is important for promoting healthy development. Engaging in conversation with our children helps them develop relational skills, encourages communication, and expands their vocabulary. Allowing them space to share teaches them the value of their voice. Validation also increases their confidence, establishing a foundation for healthy advocacy skills.
Practice Respectful Advocacy Skills
Too often we discourage our children from advocating for themselves. We teach them that defending themselves or conveying their opinion is “talking back” or disrespectful. As parents, we set the tone for how our children communicate their needs and how safe they feel advocating for themselves. Therefore, encourage children to stand up for themselves in respectful ways. Encourage passionate conversation and praise them when they make sound arguments. Although they may not always get the outcome they want, it is important they know their voice is heard.
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