2 days ago3 min read

What Are We Passing Down?

Doctors often have new patients complete intake forms that ask about their medical background and behaviors, as well as the medical background of family members. These questions provide a pathway for doctors to offer preventative care to avoid or prepare for what might have been passed down. However, genetics aren’t the only thing we pass down from generation to generation. Our culture, values, beliefs, and practices are also passed down. Evidence is when a family member says, “You act just like your dad,” or “She has her mother’s temper.”

Often, what is passed down in the Black community is viewed as positive—for example, someone who inherits their grandmother’s cooking skills or father’s skillfulness. However, there are coping skills that have served a protective purpose in Black families, given the oppression experienced globally, that may no longer benefit us in the same ways. It may be time to reflect on our parenting practices and ask, “What am I passing down?”

1. What happens in this house stays in this house!

This is a common adage within the Black community. Years of disrupting Black families with legalized and egregious force have resulted in a valid mistrust of systems (i.e., medical providers, law enforcement, educators). Therefore, problems arising in the home were typically addressed within the house without seeking outside support. However, not seeking outside support produces and reproduces behavior patterns that may lead to detrimental outcomes (i.e., developing ineffective coping skills and relationship problems). Further, not addressing issues in the home can create a hostile living environment and result in broken relationships.

2. I got beatings, and I turned out fine!

Corporal punishment is not unique to the Black community. This form of discipline has existed for centuries across cultures. However, because the Black community is so protective and respectful to elders, we tend to defend behaviors and people that have caused us harm. Yes, we may have turned out fine; however, other factors likely led to this success. Asking ourselves, “Who does this behavior serve?” and “What is the outcome I am seeking?” can help us determine more productive and culture-centered ways to protect and prepare our children.

3. We gotta toughen you up!

The world has not always been a kind place for Black people to exist. However, we have leaned into our communities and villages to help provide the support, love, and care our children need to grow into healthy and capable human beings. Because we try to raise our children to be successful in the world that is waiting for them, Black children have often been reared to be tough. We want our children to be able to move through obstacles, ignore negativity, learn how to fight, suck it up and stop whining. This is not because we do not care but because we want them to build armor for survival. However, we may inadvertently pass down messages that limit their ability to engage fully in the human experience. How can our children learn to manage and address their emotions if we don’t let them feel their feelings? They get to feel sad, angry, joyful, and excited.